The UFO Express
On the planet Mars, Kimar (Leonard Hicks) and his wife Momar (Leila Martin) are concerned about their Martian children Bomar (Chris Month) and Girmar (Pia Zadora) because after watching TV from Earth about Santa (John Call) they have become sad. In order to cheer them up Kimar and fellow Martians including Voldar (Vincent Beck) and Dropo (Bill McCutcheon) head to Earth to kidnap Santa and bring him back to Mars. In doing so they also kidnap Billy (Victor Stiles) and Betty Foster (Donna Conforti) who tell them where Santa's workshop is. But not everyone wants Santa or the children on Mars and Voldar is desperate to get rid of them before they bring Christmas cheer to everyone.
Let me take you by the hand and into a time machine back to the 60s where young Jimmy is already counting down the days to Christmas even though it is only the middle of November. And if young Jimmy needed anymore festive encouragement he is going to watch "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" combining not only Christmas but his love of space travel and men from Mars. Overjoyed he watches the jolly chap in the red suit get taken to Mars after an encounter with the Martian's robot and ray guns which freeze his little helpers. And the action as Santa, Billy, Betty as well as Bomar and Girmar take on bad guy Voldar has young Jimmy on the edge of his seat as he wonders whether Santa will make it back in time to deliver his Christmas presents.
That may sound like I am taking the proverbial piss but "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is a movie from a bygone era which now has gained notoriety for being terrible but I wouldn't be surprised if it entertained young children back inthe 60s. I mention that to be fair because I have seen some other movies which now seem terrible yet when you think about the era they were made were probably entertaining.
But having mentioned that the only reason to watch "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" now, which you can do legally online as it is no longer copyrighted, is because it is so badly dated that it is terrible. From a terrible storyline about Martians kidnapping Santa to the poor costumes, worse props and desperately bad sets it is a movie which is now more entertaining for being bad. But I wouldn't say that it is so bad that it is good, I think it goes beyond that point of being entertainingly bad to being painfully bad which becomes a drag long before it gets close to ending.
What this all boils down to is that there is no one in their right mind who could watch "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" now and say it was good because it is one of the most dated movies I have seen. But taking into account who "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" was made for and when, it probably did entertain a young group of children who believed in Santa and were fascinated by Martians and space travel.
Tags: Christmas Movies
