Spartan on all Accounts
I don't know what is more depressing that "Meet the Spartans" ever got made or that I actually sat through it resisting the temptation to switch it off. The only thing which isn't depressing is that at least it didn't cost me money to watch, just time that I will never get back. As such I will say that if you value your time and don't like wasting it then give "Meet the Spartans" a miss.
Having been raised to lead his people Spartan king Leonidas (Sean Maguire) wants to lead 300 men into battle against Xerxes (Ken Davitian) and his invading Persians. But unfortunately for Leonidas there are only 13 men who meet his requirements and so undeterred they go off to battle, a battle which includes fighting Rocky Balboa, Autobots and a dance off.
So for those who don't know "Meet the Spartans" is another in a long and increasingly worthless line of spoofs with the impressive "300" being the target for some humour. I say humour but to be honest I didn't laugh once as the long line of jokes were either so infantile or crude that they were beyond painful. But the humour is another matter and so what we get story wise is basically the tale of Leonidas leading not 300 but 13 Spartans against the not so massive army of Xerxes. Credit where it is sort of due and for a spoof movie there is an actual storyline even if it is ripped to parts by the humour.
Now back to the humour, well I am sorry but there was not a single joke which made me smile let alone laugh as jokes were thrown at us in a totally random manner. Maybe some will see the funny side of Leonidas doing a pile driver on his son funny and I am sure those will find the attacking penguin and men kissing as a form of saying hello just as funny, but I'm not one of them. And then there are numerous body fluid gags as well which if they were intended to deliver the yuck factor then they succeeded. But this isn't funny or at least clever humour and many of the gags have little to do with the actual story, thrown at us because someone obviously thought they were funny.
One thing which doesn't help "Meet the Spartans" is that in spoofing "300" it has stuck to the baron, minimal locations and it makes it feels very limited. In a way you expect a spoof movie to fly all over the place from one crazy place to another but here we are literally stuck between a rock and rock and a hard place. Although have said that the visual mimicry of 6 packs and slow motion action is one of the movies few good points.
As for the cast well I like Sean Maguire, I remember him as Tegs in Grange Hill and to be honest I would prefer to remember him for Tegs rather than for his Leonidas. But Maguire is not the only one I would rather remember for other work as all the cast which includes Carmen Electra and Kevin Sorbo all have delivered more in much better movies than this.
What this all boils down to is that "Meet the Spartans" really isn't any more than I expected, another dire attempt to spoof a more popular movie. The level of humour is low so low that there isn't a clever joke in the entire movie and not once did I find myself cracking a smile at all the stupidity. I am sure there will be some who enjoy this sort of thing but for anyone who remembers the clever humour of "Airplane" or even the wackiness of the first "Scary Movie" will find this desperate on all accounts.